Someone get this guy a fucking medal.
They made birth control for men. However it never got past the clinical testing stage because its side effects were things like “moodiness, extreme cramping, hunger, increased sexual drive” and were considered INHUMANE.
what the fuck do they think women go through every goddamn month seriously
Iago has issues. Not disturbing ones, he doesn’t paint dark shadows on the walls or anything, but he does get a bit childish when he’s drunk.
He’s a model boyfriend when he’s sober; buying me Cosmo, massaging my shoulders and stroking my hair, but when he’s not:
“Why don’t you just FUCK each other then?”
I was…what? I was just doing the…the funky chicken. I wasn’t trying to…WHAT?
Cue confusion and utter panic.
And he went NUTS when I showed him this.
I thought it was hilarious, but I guess I was wrong.
Iago thought my blog was a smutty compilation of a hundred close-up slippery pulsating members (half of which had probably been in my mouth) and he wanted nothing to do with it. So I had to explain the truth of it, by crying at him and poking him in the ribs.
He now understands the concept of the blog, and has agreed to attempt my bucketlist with me.
It’s no wonder that I was confused though, male jealousy is quite new to me (I’m the most jealous person in the world, but I’ve never had a boyfriend like that). My Ex trusted me implicitly. This one time a friend was supposed to be staying over but My Ex felt ill, so he decided to go home, leaving me and the friend alone to share a bed together. I was horrified, “But we could have sex! We won’t. But we could!” I wouldn’t want him sharing a bed.
But Iago has his own reasons, his (actually quite lovely, I met her) ex was a dirty scumbag slut and cheated on him, so I can understand why he’d be insecure. But there is a line. Jealousy is all well and good when it lights a spark in you, when it makes you drag your partner back home to fuck their brains out, so that they’ll know you are the one and fucking only.
But when jealousy starts tearing down your walls of trust, when it creates chaos in perfectly acceptable social situations, and makes your friends feel uncomfortable, then you know it has to stop.
There you go :)
When I was 19 and completely in love, I would always choose my boyfriend over anyone else. Always. And when we broke up I thought it would bite me in the ass. The 3 years of kinda ignoring my friends, ditching them at the last minute with stupid excuses like “my dad wont let me leave tonight” when…
Iago met the parents. It was a little awkward, as is always the case with these things. We went to dinner after they drove me back to uni with a load of stuff. I was very pleasantly surprised that my mother both looked presentable AND behaved herself (she has been known to flirt with my former boyfriends in the past, even sleeping with them on occasion) so I was pleased that she was simply friendly and normal. She did insist that she would send him some of her famous algae BBQ sauce in the post though, but that I can overlook. They seemed to approve of him, my mother certainly, although I can never tell with my dad. He always reserves his true opinion of a guy until I break up with him, which is helpful. But I think he knows that I can separate the princes from the knobs, so he doesn’t try to do it for me.
Ok, now that I finally have a moment. He’s left the room. I can actually write something. Ok, I’m making excuses. There is no excuse. I’m a shabby blog parent. I know this, but I digress.
I’ve had so much sex recently. I’ve always liked to think that I’m all sensual and experienced and everything, but the truth is I’ve never had a relationship with regular sex before. My Ex and I used to do it once a fortnight, which doesn’t count, and the relationship I had with Irish Dude was never really a relationship, so that doesn’t count either.
I have been having a lot of ‘nice’ sex though. Perhaps that’s why I’ve avoided writing about it: “Iago and I had sex yesterday, in the missionary position, we gazed into each other’s eyes, it was really nice. The End.” And just that, one hundred times. Who wants to read that? That’s not exciting. It’s not funny either; he puts it in, he jiggles it about, we both come and fall asleep. Um great.
But I can’t deny that the sex IS nice. I don’t want to go on a nauseating rampage about how connected and wonderful we feel together, but I have to at least acknowledge that sex with someone you love is definitely superior to any other kind. I was first informed of this little revealing truth by my brother and his girlfriend, which was GROSS, so I avoided thinking about it for a long time. But I think it’s time now.
It’s a shame I don’t fantasise about other men anymore though. That added a lot more flavour to my day, being forever on the lookout for a mouth-watering piece to objectify and dribble over. But I don’t do that anymore, which is nice in its own way, because I have A LOT more time to focus on doing productive things, like washing up and homework. Boring yes, but refreshing also. Perhaps it’s because I’m not constantly gnawing at my elbow from horniness anymore. I actually get regular sex to satisfy me, so I don’t go mad.
Now I feel more like one of those people who spend all their days meditating in monasteries and drinking herbal brews (…monks………) So I don’t really need to fantasise about other men anymore, I get everything I need from Iago. He may not be beautiful or perfect, but I wouldn’t change him for anything. Californication sums it up nicely: “there were eighteen cocks before you…not a tonne…but enough to know that I liked yours the best. Not the longest, not the thickest, little bit anglage on it. But it was mine, all mine.” And that really is nice.
I forgot to mention, I had a vibrator delivered. It looks intimidating, I’ve never used a proper one before. I think it might break me, it’s huge. Now I’m not saying I’m a virgin princess or anything, but seriously, this thing…..just..how? I just don’t see…how… it can….HOW?
I don’t think a threesome is a purely male fantasy. Well it can be the case, if you’re just going to be giving your man a threesome for his birthday or something, but that’s assuming that the threesome has to be with a guy and two girls. You can always have what is formally known as ‘the devil’s threesome’, with one girl and two guys. I’d certainly be up for that, but I don’t think I could find many guys who would participate in such an activity. Personally if I was going to have a threesome with another girl and a guy, I’d want the guy to be a stranger or a friend, but definitely not a boyfriend, I would get far too jealous in that scenario, I think all girls would. OR if I wanted to forgo the sexual politics altogether, but still experiment with multiple partners, I would just have a threesome with myself and two other girls. Then there would be less pressure to perform. But then, this is purely conjecture, seeing as I’ve never had a threesome, but it is certainly up there on the bucketlist.
I’m quite neurotic when it comes to contraception, so thankfully I have not.
